“This saying
is hard; who can accept it?”
These
readings are packed with hard sayings.
Holy Mother
Church even offers us a shorter version of that Second Reading in case we want
to skip the hard parts.
But could
skipping the difficult passages help create a healthy spiritual climate?
The shorter
version skips the first part that says twice:
“Wives
should be subordinate to their husbands…”
Perhaps people
think it seems offensive or out of touch.
But when we
unpack it, we see it really is beautiful.
In fact, properly
understood, every bride preparing for marriage would insist on using this
reading at her wedding.
And she
would remind her husband of it often.
First, the translation
says: “be subordinate.”
It does not
say: “obey your husbands,” nor: “be subject to your husbands.”
Many of us
know Fr. John Ricardo, from Catholic radio.
He wrote his
doctoral dissertation on this passage.
He says the
translation would be more accurate not to say: “be subordinate to your
husbands,” but rather: “wives should subordinate yourselves to your husbands.”
This means:
wives, who are absolutely equal in dignity to your husbands, trust yourselves
to his loving care.
I find it helpful
to unpack the reading in reverse.
We get all distracted
in the first part of the reading anyway:
“What did he
just say?”
And we miss
the rest of the passage.
So, what are
the obligations of the husband?
St. Paul
offers more instructions for him than for her.
First, he is
commanded to love his wife.
That is not
optional.
“Husbands
love your wives, even as Christ loved the church…”
How did
Christ love the Church?
The crucifix
is our reminder.
He laid down
his life for His bride.
He died by
crucifixion.
He
asphyxiated.
He was no
longer able to breathe.
He was
hanging on a cross because of the nails that were driven through His hands and
feet.
Before that:
He carried His Cross to Calvary.
Before that:
The very people He was suffering for fastened a crown of thorns onto His head
to humiliate Him.
The Shroud
of Turin shows 36 puncture wounds to his scalp, eyebrows, and ears.
Before that:
His arms were wrapped around a pillar to stretch out his back to be scourged.
If there
were no children present, we could go into more detail about how that was done.
We could
talk about the instruments the Romans used to maximize damage and suffering.
Before that:
He made his commitment to go through it all, as He prayed on the Mount of
Olives.
In that
garden He took on the guilt of humanity that had offended God with every single
sin.
The sins of
the world caused such distress that He sweated blood.
The name for
that is: Hematidrosis.
The point is:
Jesus is not
pleasing himself but rather spending himself for the good of his bride, the
Church.
He models
love, self-denial, spending ourselves for the good of another.
In the
reading, St. Paul refers to Jesus as the head of His Church.
His
self-emptying love makes him so.
The husband as
head is not boss of his wife.
The head is
the one who takes the initiative in being a servant for the beloved.
A husband
can never really be head of his wife until he imitates Christ the head, and
gives himself up for his bride.
“Husbands
love your wives, even as Christ loved the church…”
The word “love”
has lost its true meaning in our culture.
English only
has one word.
The Greeks
have 4 words for love.
In our
present day culture, to love something means to desire it.
“I love
pizza,” means I desire pizza.
So, with our
cultural ears, when we hear St. Paul say, “husbands love your wives,” me might
hear: “Husbands desire your wives.”
So, the
uninformed husband might say:
“Yeah,
that’s easy. Now she has to be submissive to me, right.”
Wrong!
If the husband doesn’t hand himself
over for love if his wife, there is nothing for her to entrust herself to.
We recognize:
The love St. Paul refers to is not an emotional feeling or a desire.
Rather, it
is a decision of the intellect to do the good of the other.
And what is
the ultimate good? communion with God, now, and forever in Heaven!
So, if a guy
decides to love his wife, by making decisions with his intellect, that result
in her good, what does this look like?
St. Paul
tells us in the reading as he continues explaining how Jesus loved the Church.
This is how
husbands are to imitate him in loving their wives.
St. Paul
says Jesus “handed himself over for her to sanctify her…”
He is making
her holy.
He continues
with a few more descriptors: “cleansing her,” “in splendor, without spot or
wrinkle,” “holy and without blemish.”
So, the
loving husband is going to lay down his life for his bride, serving her instead
of himself, making her holy, and whisking her off to the joy of Heaven for
eternity.
So, if the husband’s life agenda is this
self-giving love, that results in Heaven for his wife, what woman wouldn’t be
delighted to subordinate herself to his initiative?
There’s even
an online support group for men who want to live this.
They call
themselves e5 men, short for Ephesians 5.
One
requirement for membership is for the men to fast on bread and water for one
day a month, for the spiritual growth of their wives.
That is
love.
That is
choosing Heaven, the ultimate good for the beloved.
The hard sayings
in these readings invite us to make decisions.
In Ephesians
5, husbands are called to decide to put themselves aside, do the good for their
brides, ultimately choosing the good of Heaven.
In the first
reading, Joshua gathered all the tribes of Israel to decide whom they would
serve, false gods or the One True God.
In the
Gospel we hear that people were leaving the Lord and returning to their former
way of life because of His teaching on the Eucharist.
Peter and
the apostles decided to stay with Him.
Now we have
the opportunity to ask ourselves:
Are the
decisions I make nudging my loved ones and me closer to Jesus or closer to
Hell?
Do the
decisions I make prove that I love the people I say I love?
The grace of
the sacrament of matrimony makes it possible.
Our spiritual
nourishment in the Eucharist makes us more and more like Jesus, the one we
receive.
