Sunday Homily: Ephesians 5 and John 6

 “This saying is hard; who can accept it?”

These readings are packed with hard sayings.

Holy Mother Church even offers us a shorter version of that Second Reading in case we want to skip the hard parts.

But could skipping the difficult passages help create a healthy spiritual climate?

The shorter version skips the first part that says twice:

“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands…”

 

Perhaps people think it seems offensive or out of touch.

But when we unpack it, we see it really is beautiful.

In fact, properly understood, every bride preparing for marriage would insist on using this reading at her wedding.

And she would remind her husband of it often.

 

First, the translation says: “be subordinate.”

It does not say: “obey your husbands,” nor: “be subject to your husbands.”

Many of us know Fr. John Ricardo, from Catholic radio.

He wrote his doctoral dissertation on this passage.

He says the translation would be more accurate not to say: “be subordinate to your husbands,” but rather: “wives should subordinate yourselves to your husbands.”

This means: wives, who are absolutely equal in dignity to your husbands, trust yourselves to his loving care.

 

I find it helpful to unpack the reading in reverse.

We get all distracted in the first part of the reading anyway:

“What did he just say?”

And we miss the rest of the passage.

 

So, what are the obligations of the husband?

St. Paul offers more instructions for him than for her.

First, he is commanded to love his wife.

That is not optional.

 

“Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church…”

How did Christ love the Church?

The crucifix is our reminder.

He laid down his life for His bride.

He died by crucifixion.

He asphyxiated.

He was no longer able to breathe.

He was hanging on a cross because of the nails that were driven through His hands and feet.

Before that: He carried His Cross to Calvary.

Before that: The very people He was suffering for fastened a crown of thorns onto His head to humiliate Him.

The Shroud of Turin shows 36 puncture wounds to his scalp, eyebrows, and ears.

Before that: His arms were wrapped around a pillar to stretch out his back to be scourged. 

If there were no children present, we could go into more detail about how that was done.

We could talk about the instruments the Romans used to maximize damage and suffering.

Before that: He made his commitment to go through it all, as He prayed on the Mount of Olives.

In that garden He took on the guilt of humanity that had offended God with every single sin.

The sins of the world caused such distress that He sweated blood.

The name for that is: Hematidrosis.

 

The point is:

Jesus is not pleasing himself but rather spending himself for the good of his bride, the Church.

He models love, self-denial, spending ourselves for the good of another.

 

In the reading, St. Paul refers to Jesus as the head of His Church.

His self-emptying love makes him so.

The husband as head is not boss of his wife.

The head is the one who takes the initiative in being a servant for the beloved.

A husband can never really be head of his wife until he imitates Christ the head, and gives himself up for his bride.

 

“Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church…”

The word “love” has lost its true meaning in our culture.

English only has one word.

The Greeks have 4 words for love.

In our present day culture, to love something means to desire it.

“I love pizza,” means I desire pizza.

So, with our cultural ears, when we hear St. Paul say, “husbands love your wives,” me might hear: “Husbands desire your wives.”

So, the uninformed husband might say:

“Yeah, that’s easy. Now she has to be submissive to me, right.”

Wrong!

If the husband doesn’t hand himself over for love if his wife, there is nothing for her to entrust herself to.

 

We recognize: The love St. Paul refers to is not an emotional feeling or a desire.

Rather, it is a decision of the intellect to do the good of the other.

And what is the ultimate good? communion with God, now, and forever in Heaven!

So, if a guy decides to love his wife, by making decisions with his intellect, that result in her good, what does this look like?

 

St. Paul tells us in the reading as he continues explaining how Jesus loved the Church.

This is how husbands are to imitate him in loving their wives.

St. Paul says Jesus “handed himself over for her to sanctify her…”

He is making her holy.

He continues with a few more descriptors: “cleansing her,” “in splendor, without spot or wrinkle,” “holy and without blemish.”

 

So, the loving husband is going to lay down his life for his bride, serving her instead of himself, making her holy, and whisking her off to the joy of Heaven for eternity.

So, if the husband’s life agenda is this self-giving love, that results in Heaven for his wife, what woman wouldn’t be delighted to subordinate herself to his initiative?

 

There’s even an online support group for men who want to live this.

They call themselves e5 men, short for Ephesians 5.

One requirement for membership is for the men to fast on bread and water for one day a month, for the spiritual growth of their wives.

That is love.

That is choosing Heaven, the ultimate good for the beloved.

 

The hard sayings in these readings invite us to make decisions.

In Ephesians 5, husbands are called to decide to put themselves aside, do the good for their brides, ultimately choosing the good of Heaven.

In the first reading, Joshua gathered all the tribes of Israel to decide whom they would serve, false gods or the One True God.

In the Gospel we hear that people were leaving the Lord and returning to their former way of life because of His teaching on the Eucharist.

Peter and the apostles decided to stay with Him.

 

Now we have the opportunity to ask ourselves:

Are the decisions I make nudging my loved ones and me closer to Jesus or closer to Hell?

Do the decisions I make prove that I love the people I say I love?

The grace of the sacrament of matrimony makes it possible.

Our spiritual nourishment in the Eucharist makes us more and more like Jesus, the one we receive.